The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Rewriting the Narratives That Hold Us Back
Why We Create Stories
We all tell ourselves stories to make sense of life—but sometimes those stories keep us stuck. Learn how to identify the narratives that limit your growth and begin rewriting them into truths that set you free.
Our brains are meaning-making machines. We build narratives to explain what happens and to protect our sense of identity. If I believe “I’m not good with money,” it explains past struggles and shields me from future risk. If I believe “No one ever stays,” it softens the blow of loss before it happens.
Neuroscience tells us that these internal stories literally shape the brain. According to research from neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, the brain is “wired for negativity”—it holds onto painful experiences more tightly than positive ones as a form of protection. Over time, that wiring becomes the foundation of our personal narrative.
Psychologist Dan McAdams, known for his work on narrative identity, found that humans make sense of their lives through story structure—we build a coherent sense of self by connecting our experiences into cause-and-effect narratives. Those stories give life continuity, but they can also confine us when they become overly rigid.
These stories help us feel safe. They help us understand why. But protection often comes with a price: predictability over possibility. When the story is too rigid, it keeps us from evolving.
When Stories Become Limits
“People don’t change.”
This story can justify distance and disappointment. It protects us from being let down, but it also prevents connection and hope.
“I never finish anything I start.”
This one feels like a truth, but it’s really a habit of self-doubt dressed as realism. Once we buy into it, we unconsciously repeat it—proving ourselves right over and over.
Our stories can act like invisible fences. They keep us safe within the familiar but prevent us from stepping into the unknown.
“The most powerful stories are the ones we tell ourselves — and the most freeing moment is realizing we can choose to tell them differently.”
— Brené Brown
How to Recognize a Limiting Story
Listen for absolutes — “Always,” “never,” “everyone,” “no one.” These are red flags for rigid narratives.
Notice emotional charge — Shame, fear, or frustration often mean the story is running the show.
Look for missing evidence — What facts or successes are you ignoring?
Ask yourself: Who would I be without this story?
That question alone can open up space for change.
Rewriting the Story
Changing your inner narrative isn’t about denial—it’s about authorship. Here’s how to begin rewriting your truth:
Research from Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck shows that people who adopt a growth mindset—believing abilities can evolve—outperform those with a fixed mindset. In other words, when you rewrite your internal story from “I can’t” to “I’m learning to,” you’re literally improving motivation, performance, and resilience.
Each time you act in alignment with your new narrative, you weaken the old one’s grip.
A Story I Once Told Myself
For years, I believed I wasn’t built to be a runner. I told myself I was a strength athlete—someone who could lift heavy, but not go the distance. Running felt like something “other people” did, not me.
It was a comfortable story. It explained why I didn’t lace up for long runs or sign up for races. It protected me from the discomfort of starting something new—and possibly failing.
But one day, I caught myself repeating that line: “I’m not a runner.” And instead of accepting it, I asked, “Could I could be a runner?”
That small question shifted everything. I started training—slowly, inconsistently at first, then with growing purpose. Over time, my story changed from “I can’t run” to “I’m a runner.”
Now, I run long distances regularly and train for races. The physical transformation mattered—but the mental one mattered more. I learned that the limits I had accepted were just stories I’d been telling myself for years. Changing that story didn’t just make me a runner—it reminded me I could become whoever I chose to be.
The Re-Authoring Moment
You are not bound by your past voice. The story you’ve lived so far doesn’t define the chapters ahead.
Ask yourself today:
What story have I been living as if it’s truth?
And what story do I want to write next?
Because the stories we tell ourselves don’t just describe our lives—they create them.
Final Thoughts
Every belief we hold started as a thought we chose to repeat. Over time, it became a story—a lens through which we see the world. The empowering truth is that the same mechanism that built those stories can also dismantle them.
Rewriting your story doesn’t mean pretending life has been easy or ignoring what’s real. It means giving yourself permission to see possibility where there once was only protection.
Start small. Challenge one narrative this week. Notice how your choices shift when you speak to yourself with curiosity instead of certainty. You might be surprised by how much power you reclaim simply by telling a new story.
After all, transformation doesn’t begin with action—it begins with the words we whisper to ourselves.
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